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“That One Day”

3 votes, average: 3.33 out of 53 votes, average: 3.33 out of 53 votes, average: 3.33 out of 53 votes, average: 3.33 out of 53 votes, average: 3.33 out of 5
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English Poetry

Feelings gathered, that “One Day”

Still protect me, show the way

You may forget, or may not say

You’re the one my Life’s Golden Ray

 

You came close, Dream turned real

You maintained silence, I was still clear

You might have escaped, I tied you dear

Great Day it was, made me to be here

 

My Heart poured out, lots of Love

My Life without you was so tough

I was wondering how could I hove

I was simply falling in Love

 

That one day and today’s Day

I feel proud and always pray

The relation may be blessed the way,

The nuptial knot remain intact, to the last day

 

 

10 Comments

  1. Gion Gion says:

    Nitin,
    there is a warm, sincere feel to this poem that the reader may feel as he reads through the lines.
    A nice idea on the theme of “One Day” – one that changed, changes and you hope will continue to change you life.
    Gion
    It does, however, need a polish.
    Please replace “u” and “&” with “you” and “and” – this will improve the look and read of this post.
    “Still protects me, shows the way” – the form of verbs should be “protect” and “show” to agree with “Feelings”.
    “My Heart poured in,” – would “out” be a better word?
    “I was wondering how could I hove(?)” – I do not understand “hove”.
    ” That one day & today’s Day
    I feel proud & always pray
    The relation may be blessed the way,
    The nuptial knot remain intact, infinite day” – may I suggest this re-write? –
    “That one day and this Day
    I feel proud and always pray
    The relation may be blessed the way,
    The nuptial knot remain intact, to the last day”

    • nitin_shukla14 says:

      Hi!!
      I am happy that you have read and commented on it and I was expecting the same.
      “I have made all those changes which you have suggested and really appreciate this, that u have taken this much of pain in correcting some mistakes and beautifying this. Thank you so much.”

      You are right, this is my First English Poetry, which has come from one of my comment given to Mr.Vishvnand’s on his poem. I wrote only Hindi Poetry and always used to feel that I should try something in English too but since my vocab is not that strong I have never tried.

      I read few of your poems, you really write so well that I do not get Words to Comment upon but I would always expect that whenever I try something in English, you would surely guide me and correct my mistakes.

      As far as I know ‘Hove’ means carrying lot of load (I wanted to express that how I have carried this load of my Life till now, without you)

      Thank you so much for being so nice.

  2. Gion Gion says:

    Nitin,
    I see that this is your first post in English.
    What a lovely theme on which to try something new.
    May we see some more in the future.
    Gion

  3. medhini says:

    A nice attempt,Nithin.

  4. Vishvnand says:

    Liked & enjoyed
    feeling this beautiful poem immensely.
    The corrections have converted this poem from 2 Stars to 4 beautiful stars for me.
    Commends to Nitin + Gion

  5. vibha mishra says:

    tremoundously outstanding ……..beautiful interlacing of words…congrates

  6. nitin_shukla14 says:

    Thank you so much

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