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Before the doom end
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English Poetry |
She looked serene and calm
poised and forthright sans flummery;
Her face shone brightly
like the circular golden moon
on the fourteenth night
after the new moon
or as the wick glows dazzling
just before it goes off-
a few moments before the doom end,
preceding farewell forever.
****************
There is a debatable point here, that the wick glows dazzling just before it gets off.
@Apurva Bharat Gaglani,
Medhini,
Just a few correections, if you don’t mind –
‘goes off’ seems more correct than ‘gets off’.
‘to after ‘preceding’ is reduntant.
Unless this is a case of poetic licence. Some higher authority on English language could advise better than me.
kusum
@kusumgokarn;
Thanks for corrections
and comments.Any way
I have redone as per
your suggestions.
@medhini,
Thanks for changes. Poem looks neat.
Kusum
@Apurva Bharat Gaglani,
Is this not the splutter and flare at the end of a candle? Something to do with the burning of the wick itself just after the wax is all gone?
Also, I have noticed that light bulb shine more brightly just before they blow. is this due to a current surge or the destruction of the filament?
” Her face shone brightly
like the circular golden moon
on the fourteenth night
after the new moon” – beautiful vivid description
@Gion Gion, Is this not the splutter and flare at the end of a candle? Something to do with the burning of the wick itself just after the wax is all gone?
Also, I have noticed that light bulb shine more brightly just before they blow. is this due to a current surge or the destruction of the filament?
I light a diya every day. It does not dazzle before it goes off. It does splutter and sort of becomes pale before its glow fades away.
nice poem
visiting the site after a long long gap..&just dropped by to say medhini, a lovely read…
though the discussions too had absorbed me, but i’d leave it to my earlier comment,saying i loved dropping by with a good poetry.
@purabi & Pares;
Thanks for your appreciative
comments.
Loved this poem and the discussion! I don’t even have any semantic complaints! Great work!
@saurabh,
Thanks a lot.