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Enigma…
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Anthology 2013 Entries, English Poetry |
Some virtually,
Blossom into a beauty ,
permeate fragrance,
and evolve constantly;
Some actually,
Persist as a puzzle ,
lack influence
and exist fruitlessly….
©Kanchana Selvakumar
Kanchana,
Fine thought expressed in brief but pointed words.
Just a suggestion –
‘virtual’ & ‘actual’ could be better written as ‘virtually’ & ‘actually’.
‘virtually’ in the last line could be replaced by some other word to avoid repetition . e.g. ‘fruitlessly’.
Kusum
@kusumgokarn, Thanks v much Kusum mam,the poem is about the enigma of relationships.
Hi
Duality is an existential dilemma . Well expressed. In lieu of some actual ,i would use some virtual realities/ some actual realities. I agree that actual and virtual are opposites but they are adjectives so using some before these ,takes away from what you wish to convey.
sarala
@SARALA KURUP JAGAN, Thanks very much for your comment
a good poem – indeed an enigma of relationships
@Apurva Bharat Gaglani, Thanks very much for feeling so.
Very Beautiful poem provoking profound pondering
With kusum ji’s suggestion incorporated it could be simply outstanding…
Kudos
@Vishvnand, I have done the changes Vijay Sir,probably because of using ‘virtual’ and ‘real’ in tech jargon , I had written so,But i guess the intent remained unchanged with Kusum Mam’s suggestions and so have done it.Thanks very much for your encouraging comments.
@kanchana,
Thanks for understanding our suggestions in utter humility.
Kusum
Nice poem and good imagery, Kanchana.
@medhini, Thanks very much Valli mam
Kanchana,
I had guessed this to relate to people, just did not get to relationships.
It is a fine sensitive and beautiful poem. I am not too sure as to the final change to fruitlessly nor the change from adjectives to adverbs.There is subtlety in your chosen tech language. Here, in the thought, lies the strength of the poem. “puzzle” is a well chosen word. Where is the measure of commitment when one or both do not bring their share of answers to the project that is any relationship,
Gion
@Gion Gion, Yes it is about the enigma of relationships we hold with people.some simply don’t influence.some though miles apart,have just heard their voice or read their mails exert such influence to that extent that the day gets colorful.As far as adverbs and adjectives are concerned ,i took to English because i had to speak in english from age 3( else we got fined and had to carry a badge which said ‘I spoke in Tamil’ and stand in front of the mass of 1000’s of children with this).Humiliation to the core in my own land :-(.Thanks for your comments and relating to it.
Wow, some teachers are the same everywhere.
We used to get lined up along the wall for getting our spelling questions wrong….but the badges we got were six red ones across our palms. 🙁
I preferred the pointless attempts of some of the teachers to humiliate me….I was too proud for that to ever work…and no stinging hands 🙂
Gion
short, sweet and beautifully expressed