the journey of life -2
shining stars shower crimson light on night petals ,
i can’t sense the pain of love for my heart is metal,
lost myself in the profusion of tears,
to recover from this reversion will take years,
screening my soul for any signs of emotions,
to perish this negativity, is there any lotion ,
born as a mighty creation of god,
with lots of expectations as load,
all i can do is run ,
for the reality is stern,
oh almighty , gimme some rain along with your might,
for relief from this striking pain,and to do what is right,
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Are you afflicted by the pain of love, or the pain arising from the betrayal of love or the pain arising from the love that is not returned?
@Apurva Bharat Gaglani, Now I hope this is proper and precise:
In the poem, are you afflicted by the pain of love, or the pain arising from the betrayal of love or the pain arising from the love that is not returned?
I thought in the comment we should address the poem and the feelings expounded in it. To personalize it as applicable to the author is rather improper. A poem is not to be confused as depicting authors’ personal state.
Nice poem. Stars 3
@apurva : dat line depicts a person (not me / or for convinience ,MR. X) ‘pain of love’ was actually originated by ‘betrayel’….is it clear
nice one,,,,,,,,,,,but kya hua hhhhhhhhhhh
7th line samajh nahi ayi
Shubham,
nicely rhymed.
A well conveyed emotion in these lines.
As to the voice – technically it should be “one” or “he” if it is not the writer – to avoid confusion. In practice “you”(plural) is often used to include the generality of the readers and writer. The poem could also be rewritten without a personal voice by using “the” etc.
However, I think the essence of the poem reaches the reader well,
Fergus