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Traitor
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English Poetry, Jul 2011 Contest |
Fluttered together, gathered on me trunk
Tall twigged dance,
through breeze and winds, oh that spunk,
the pride in thy stance.
Colored me soul, cloth that me;
John and Jill play in my shade,
in hundreds, I borne thee,
flickering on me blade.
Twigged in the springs of love
blossomed to the golden dew.
For I hate to see it now
followth the flowers which blew
Flown away to the sudden breeze
and couldn’t decide its stay.
In dire storms, it furls to cease
to set away on a merrier way.
The barrens of me breast
and the cries, which it wouldn’t heed.
So it left me, slept at rest
in its own selfish greed.
In springs that would follow;
from the dust of its never found love.
it will return to me willow
and dance on the sticks, above.
Wow! Ulhas Sir,
*****
Very beautiful poem,Ulhas.
Glad to see you here after
a long time.
Ulhas,
very hard for me to figure out the voice of the poem.
Is it the tree or the author / third party?
Beware thou, thee, thy, thine.
“thou stance” should be (thy). There is much confusion with “me” and “my” throughout. ” I borne thee,” – should read (I bore thee).
Fergus
@Gion Gion,
I agree. also, I feel the thou, thy and thee and the possessive use of me should be justly left to their tombs with Shakespeare unless absolutely necessary to resurrect them and that too too carefully and at utmost peril!
@saurabh,
A try is worth………..Yes it should be “thy” and not “thou” ,otherwise there is no mistake………………..
Thanks for the suggestion………………but a try is worth than not…………….
@saurabh,
The poem is on behalf of the tree, who feels the leaves are traitors. Yes you are right……….it should be “thy” and not “thou”……..
Gion thanks for the reviews.
STILL GRAMMAR,
…….calls for a second glance to double check here…..
Yet confusing the reader grip him to the end…..
traitor ! a suitable title….
@Poetess Malini,
The only grammer is the “thy” and “thou”,…………thanks for the reviews………………..
The tree feels that the leaves are traitors as they shed in fall………..