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rainbows so far away
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Anthology 2013 Entries, Aug 2012 Contest, English Poetry, Uncategorized |
the skies wept in my embrace,
while i smoked clouds on whom I’d sail,
through brush strokes and songs alike,
with the rainbow as my palette,
I’d paint songs of love,
chirping in my veins.
thoughts slide down the rainbow,
into my heavenly drink,
i stir it now, till they drown,
and make my heart sink.
the wise trees now call me names,
and the grass is taller than me,
the skies have now disappeared,
i still smoke clouds on whom to sail,
through silence and ruins of sounds,
that wander without an aim,
for rainbows so far away.
Good sweep of imagination reaching far out to the skies and the rainbow.
In the last stanza the line starting ‘yet, I smoke clouds…’ is vague.
Perhaps ‘wonder’ should be replaced by ‘wander’.
Kusum
thank you kusum. ‘wander’ is what i meant, however i wrote this poem in a hurry so thank you for bringing it to my attention. when i wrote this poem ‘yet’ sounded about alright but now that you mention it i realize how that is a problem and have replaced it with more suitable words.
Indeed a “Rainbow” of a poem, elegantly portraying the mood & desire,
Hearty commends for the style & penning…
Last stanza is the profound icing and both ” I wander’ or “I wonder” are appropriate for it is wander with wonder ….! 🙂
sir,
i am often unsure of my poems and your comments always make my day. as always thank you for your kind comments, my day is off to a good start.
“i still smoke clouds on whom to sail,
through silence and ruins of sounds,”
Nice writing Rohan,
Fergus
thanks fergus.
A nice poem on nature’s
moods,rohan. I read it
more than once.
thanks medhini.